Harry Potter and the Clue of the Screeching Owl: Harry Potter Characters in a Hardy Boys Setting (4)

Ron was sitting alone with a huge bag of popcorn in one hand, a bag of peanuts in the other, and a frothy cloud of pink cotton candy between his knees. He didn’t notice his friends entering the tent, partly because the frothy cloud of pink cotton candy was blocking his side view, but also because what he was looking at. It was a man in a cage—Harry assumed he was the aforementioned Colonel Bill Thunder--dressed in a white shirt, white riding breeches, and shining black boots. He had thick dark hair, a mustache…well, you get the picture: tall, dark, handsome, a whip in his hand. And there were four large black panthers on chairs before him.

“That’s animal cruelty!” cried Hermione, as she sat down next to Ron, who was so startled that he promptly spilled half his popcorn on a burly tattooed man seated in front of him. The man turned around with a surly expression while Ron, terrified, pointed to Hermione.

“I’m sorry, sir, that you were showered with popcorn, but that”, she said, pointing to the cage before them, “that is animal cruelty, plain and simple. These beasts weren’t intended to be whipped and trained for our entertainment. Their destiny is to be free and wild, their sleek coats gleaming in the occasional spots of sun in the rainforests of southeast Asia where they tend to be at the top of the food chain.”

Harry immediately understood that Hermione had done a lot of reading long before Hogwarts a History had become her favorite book.

The tattooed man stared at Hermione. Harry took her arm, thinking that his friend needed to get out of there fast. Then the man’s eyes filled with tears. His bottom lip began to tremble.

“Never heard ‘nuffin so beautiful in all my life” he blubbed. “Those cats should be— how did you say it, Miss? I want this tattooed on my ankle. Harry looked at the man’s heavily tattooed legs. His ankles were the only part of his legs that were free of ink.

The burly man took out a pen and a notebook.

“What was the part about them bein’ wild and free…?”

“free and wild” corrected Hermione, “their sleek coats gleaming in—”

“Wait, not so fast. Wild…and…free”

“Their sleek coats gleaming---”

“Their…sleek…coats…”

Fascinating as this interchange was, Harry’s attention was turned to the cage. One of the panthers looked like he was going to jump on the trainer whose back was turned.

“ ‘eww be kiwed!” shrieked Ron, who jumped up, spilling the remains of the popcorn, peanuts, and cotton candy all over the burly man’s open notebook.

“Sorry, sir” said Ron, “but the panther! Look at the panther!”

Colonel Bill Thunder heard Ron’s voice and turned around just in time. He snapped his whip in the panther’s face, missing contact but scaring the beast enough that it jumped back onto its chair, snarling, hatred in its eyes.

The crowd broke into wild applause. Hermione stood up and looked around furiously. So did the burly tattooed man.

“You lot should all be ashamed of yerselves” the man cried. "Them beasts,” he said, pointing to the cage while reading from his notebook, “should be free and wild, their sleek coats gleaming in the occasional spots ‘o sun in the rainforests ‘o southeast Asia where they tend to be…”

But the three friends didn’t stay to hear the rest of the speech that had the crowd, as well as Colonel Bill, dumbstruck. Ron and Harry pulled Hermione out by one arm as she waved to the burly man with the other.

Part One (which contains links to the other posts).